Courtesy: Daniel Bramlett
Let’s talk about sex. I’m not trying to be crass or cool, but we’re adults here. I’ve just finished a book entitled “This Is Our Time” by Trevan Wax. The book is designed to address the generation of Millennials that is stepping into leadership roles all over the world as we speak.
This generation spans 1980 to the year 2000. The latter end of this group only knows a world that is cell phone and internet savvy. It is driven by a desire to be and remain connected at all times. Its image is shaped almost entirely by what others say and think about it. As far as beliefs go, this generation is very open-ended. It refuses to buy into what the rest of the world would call an ‘absolute truth’ and that includes much of the Bible. While many in this generation are Christians, they will use the language “If it works for you, great! If not, find what works and run with it. You get to define what’s true for you.” This makes it very hard to define moral and ethical issues clearly with them.
That’s the tough part, but this generation is not without a lot of good! They are super servants. They will lend a hand or a lifetime to a cause that they believe in. They tend to be very transparent, choosing to wear their heart and head on their face rather than cover it up with a mask. They are hard workers and imaginative thinkers. They long for deep relationships, especially with generations older than them. They are ready to change the world and excited about the opportunity. Now, what does all of this have to do with sex?
The Millennial generation has opted to view marriage as a contractual agreement. This means that a kiss is enough to begin a relationship and it can end with a handshake. Traditional marriage is out the window. Who cares about legalities? Move in, move out, move back in for a while…commitment is defined by the willingness to go out to eat and back home to bed, not with a ring and a vow.
Some free thinkers might call this progress. Why not just let the world define sex and relationships how they want to? What’s the big deal?
The biggest deal is we were never created to live like this. God created us to need and want a life partner. We crave companionship like oxygen. We hope deep down that our relationship choices will meet these cravings at their root. We all know that even the best marriages will fall short of this mark.
The Bible never teaches that marriage is designed primarily to make you happy. There will be many days when you are not happy! Only God can make us happy. Every other pursuit will end in brokenness for us, even marriage. God crafted marriage to make us holy; to make us more like Him. As long as we are seeking Him in our marriage, it will work beautifully! As soon as we start to redefine our vows according to our wants, needs, or desires it will completely fall apart.
Millennials break down far before we get to the word marriage. They recognize their craving for deep, satisfying relationships. Apart from Christ they will quickly say the best place this can be found is in the bedroom. Sex becomes the deepest they can delve into the heart of another and allow another to delve into them. And like a craving that is never satisfied, they will seek another partner and another partner, hoping to find that completely satisfying night. It will never happen. Sex is transformed into a transaction between two lonely people and deep, deep wounds are created.
What can be done? Pointing fingers, calling names and talking about the good ole days will not work. Comparing this generation to your generation with the goal of talking about how you got it right, will not work. While marriage is highly valued in earlier generations, every age group gets something fundamental wrong. All the Millennial will do is point to that ‘something’ in your life and scratch off anything valuable you have to say about marriage. We must not set ourselves up as superiors. We must, instead, become compassionate coaches.
A coach, unlike a superior, is willing to do what it takes to see someone succeed. They will pray, hope, dream, teach, model and speak the truth until it sinks in. A coach is someone who has been there and done that. They understand the struggle but they also know the way out. Be a coach who points the Millennial generation to Jesus. Show them why commitment to one man and one woman is vital. Teach them how critical it is to not wound yourself over and over with noncommittal sex. Model for them the Divine value found in monogamy. Be a coach who is coached by Jesus. That makes all the difference.
Courtesy: Daniel Bramlett