I am not a good gift giver. I am totally speaking from experience here. But I do know a few things about a happy marriage. You don't have to be able to pick out a winning gift to enjoy the marriage God intends for you. Gifts help, but they aren't the heartbeat of the relationship.
Good marriages are shaped by grace, not selfishness; by love, not fear. Unfortunately, good marriages are on a rapid decline in our country. Did you know that the number of people getting married today is 25% less than it was just ten years ago? Did you know that the divorce rate in Arkansas alone is 66% higher than the other 49 states? Long lasting marriage is becoming increasingly rare.
Good marriages are declining. The average 'marriable' age is increasing. My grandparents were married before they exited their teens. Today's average age of marriage is 29. Why? People are prolonging promises to fulfill their own plans in life. They are working to achieve their own, personal goals before they are willing to make a shared relationship goal. What's more, relationships that once would have headed quickly toward marriage, now defer to a life of no real, shared commitments.
Contrary to these contemporary views, the Bible teaches that relationships are THE gift; marriage is THE treasure. For those who are married, the things we most treasure in life are the direct products of our closest relationships: a faithful spouse, kids who love us and others, grandkids who can't wait to be near us... The greatest treasures in our lives are built around relationships.
The question today is how do we gain these treasured relationships if we don't already have them? And if we do already enjoy these relationships in our lives, how do we keep them?
Gaining a sacred marriage relationship begins with a choice. Will you choose to set aside your goals in exchange for a shared goal with another? Will you choose to exchange your plans for a new, restored plan that involves more than just you? A good marriage is built on this simple choice. It's not built on feelings or attraction or shared interests. All those things help, but the couple without any of these things can still enjoy a long, happy marriage if they are willing to choose to accept God's goals for them in exchange for their own. Our goals are usually selfish and one-sided. God's goals for us are always about His greater glory. Choosing this daily exchange puts us in the place to enjoy God's best for us.
Keeping a sacred marriage begins with sacrifice. If your marriage is anywhere near healthy, you've already chosen to lay down your wants and needs for the good of the one you share life with. Marriage isn't a contractual agreement: keep these rules and things will go well. Break them and suffer the consequences. A faithful marriage is a bond, a two-sided union or trust between two people that is almost unbreakable. You must make a choice to daily lay down your life, knowing that choice will always render more treasure.
In the middle of gaining and keeping a faithful marriage is Jesus! I heard a guy say the number one felt need in a community is healthy marriages. But the number one need is Jesus! When you think about Valentines this year, just go on and tell anxiety to leave you alone. I'm sure your spouse would love some beautiful flowers or a night out on the town. But, I promise you, what he/she would love much more is your devoted choice to put them first until Valentines Day 2026. Flowers make her smile. Your chosen self-sacrifice will change her life.