Happy Valentines week! Why limit the day to Friday? Let’s spread the love out all week long! As promised, I would like for us to visit about attraction today. The Bible spends quite a bit of time talking about this. A whole book is dedicated to it (Song of Solomon). What becomes clear throughout the complete story is that the attraction between a husband and a wife is strong, exciting and full. It is something that can be satisfied only by the spouse. We long for each other in a way only a husband and wife can know.
There are a number of things that can detract from this attraction. Our culture, for one, is bent on polarizing couples, pushing them away from each other and into the arms of another, whether that other be fictional or real. We are bombarded by messages from the fashion industry that beg for our attention and attraction muscles to be exercised. The media constantly sends attraction signals from people we will most likely never meet but they say we should be ‘in love’ with. More than any other our common enemy is constantly working to pull people into conversations that turn into relationships that turn into attractive moments. People succumb to one or more of these adversaries on a daily basis.
When I am faced with potential attraction with someone other than my wife I have to set my mind. My good friend says he quickly plays the situation out in his mind. “How will this end for the ones I love? If I have this conversation will I be embarrassed to tell my wife? What would my kids say if they saw me with this woman?” These questions alone should be enough to deter our hearts from sour attraction or destructive relationships. But say they aren’t. Men and women face this God-given gift of attraction; these feelings that were meant only for the marriage relationship. What can we do?
We have to decide where our first love lies. The Bible talks about the first love being Jesus. He is the One who has captured our hearts. He is the One who loved us first and wooed us in. He gets the attention. But few of us ever think about making out with Jesus. How do we deal with attraction on a man and woman basis? The same question applies. Who have we first given our heart to? Where do our commitments lie? Let me say this, the weakest men among us are the ones who give their hearts to women other than their wives, again fictional (pornography) or real. The least of all women are those who dress daily for every other man than their husbands. You have vowed to give your heart to one man, one woman for life. Are you keeping that vow?
Attraction is the most wonderful thing in the world when kept within its intended boundaries. I would argue the best way to steer clear of disastrous attraction is to feed the fire at home. Rather than trying to constantly fight back urges to look and listen to other women, look longingly and readily at your wife. Instead of working to shun the attention of every man in the room, work to gain the attention of the one man who matters most. If the fire at home is hot, your heart will have much less opportunity to wander or even want to wander.
We have each been created as attracted and attractive beings. We are made in God’s image and He is beautiful! Daydreaming about your wife is good, healthy and absolutely normal. Having to count the hours until you get home to be with your husband is the way it is supposed to be. While that is not reality all the time for everyone it can be and it should be. It is certainly a good goal! I would challenge you to begin to aim for that goal and see what happens.
You may say I am living in a dream land and I would agree. My wife is everything to me. Not only is she beautiful, she loves me, she takes care of me, we raise our kids together and we have a blast together. I laugh the hardest with her, cry the most with her and sleep beside her every night. To resist these urges would be senseless and faithless. She is most definitely God’s gift to me and I to her. While our days are not always perfect, we lean into what we know is right and run toward that goal.
I don’t know where your marriage is today but I know where it can be. You may say it is too far gone. It is easier to just start over. Plus the guy over there is looking at me. That girl at work is flirting. You may think about running the other way. Know that if you do it will be the biggest regret you will ever have. The choice to walk away from your God-given attraction and into any type of attraction model the world offers us will be the single decision you are most ashamed of at the end of your life. That’s saying a lot. It is supposed to. Pray that God will grip your heart and direct it to your spouse. Pray that He will light that old fire that used to be there. Pray that attraction in your marriage will be more than a good conversation every now and then and happen in more places than the bedroom. Look at your spouse with love and see what miracle God will accomplish. Valentines is more than just a day.