Change is good only when it comes from a good place and moves the intended parties in a good direction. For example, saying boys will be boys and girls will be girls is good if it means they are growing up and experiencing all the changes boys and girls experience. It’s good for boys and girls to go through puberty, wrestle with hormones, learn how to engage socially and generally just get bigger and stronger. These changes start in a good place with children becoming mature adults. Maturity is a good place for them to grow into. However, using that age old phrase to endorse the practice of boys becoming girls or girls experimenting sexually before marriage is bad change. How can I say that? How can I know the difference?

My values give me the ability to judge good and bad change. My values tell me that apples are good and good for me, but that it is bad for me to dig holes on someone else’s property. My values tell me that it is good for kids to transition into adulthood, but bad for them to redefine their sexuality in the process. 

Values rarely change. They are planted deeply in the bedrock of who we are. They come from all types of sources. Values originate from parental/familial influence, education, cultural exposure and even deeply impactful experiences. For Christians, our values are ancient and formed primarily through our interaction with the Word of God. The best values are timeless. The protection of and respect for life is an example. Every civilization throughout history understands that murder is wrong. Christians introduced the idea of every person being formed in the image of God. That’s why Christians say that human sacrifice is wrong. Today the idea of burning someone at the stake is horrendous, but not so 2000 years ago. Monogamous marriage is a value that finds its roots in Christianity. The idea of one man and one woman was foreign to cultures in the first century outside of Israel. Adultery, polygamy, and any other form of flirtatious relationship outside of marriage is not good change because it breaks the covenant made between a husband and a wife. 

We don’t compromise our values. They are in place for a purpose. Every time we push the lines, we end up in trouble ourselves or hurting those closest to us. Truth telling is a deeply held value in just about every culture. Every time I lie, I allow my values to erode and that hurts those closest to me. For Christians, raising faithful kids is a value. We pour a lot of time and energy into parenting because of this. 

My point is this, if you don’t know your values, you will lead your life based on whatever change sounds best in the moment. “My kids want to go out drinking tonight?” Kids will be kids. “My son wants to become a girl?” Boys will be boys. “My daughter is pregnant and wants an abortion?” Girls will be girls. “I want to have an affair.” Men will be men. “My son wants to go get drunk and sleep around because I do.” No big deal. Your values give you boundaries. You can establish these at any point in life, but they are most often established early. No one lives without values. The question is what informs yours? Godly, faithful values give life to you and those around you. Godless, faithless values put you on a trajectory of pain and destruction. You are going to harm other lives, no matter how hard you try not to. 

I encourage you to consider your values and where they come from. This process will give you the means to answer questions like “Is AI good or bad? Should I let my son spend hours on social media? What is appropriate dress for my teenage daughter? Is it wrong to flirt with my co-worker or friend? Should I resist the urge to look at pornography? Should I spend more time with my spouse?” Questions like these come up all the time. Culture should NOT have your permission to answer these questions for you. You should be able to give clear answers on any of these questions and so many more. Do you want your children’s lives to be shaped by someone else’s values or your own? 

I suggest the Bible as the number one place for good, helpful values. What is shaping you?