I also grieve more. I deeply feel the changes in the world around me and grieve the losses I/we experience. I mean this about people, but in reality, I feel it much more when it comes to culture. I grieve the loss of the innocence I experienced. I’m sure parents in the 80’s said the same thing about their childhood in the 50’s; parents in the 50’s said it about their childhood in the 30’s…and so on. But that doesn’t lessen the loss I feel. I wish I could yank cell phones and social media from the collective landscape. But, again, in reality, the void would inevitably be filled with some other vacuum determined to rob my children of their innocence. And when I say “innocence,” I don’t mean perfection. Every generation is broken beyond repair. But every generation also retains some draw or pull to the things of God. This is what I’m calling innocence. It’s the places we find joy as children and adults. It’s the things that remind us God loves us, sees us and wants us. Rather than an empty void, innocence fills our bucket with things that make us smile. And like every parent of every age, I feel like my children have less things to smile about than I did.

I think the things I celebrate in mid-life come easier. I don’t reserve birthdays and holidays as the only times I can celebrate. I look for reasons to lift up my friends and family. I love being together with the ones God has placed around me and I love seeing that group grow! I’m happiest when I’m surrounded by people I love. This has a lot to do with my stance as an extrovert, but it also has to do with a growing longing to celebrate, laugh more and enjoy the life God has given me.

I think about Heaven more. Honestly, the longer I’m alive, the deeper my longing becomes to be face to face with God. Sometimes, it’s overwhelming. Sometimes, I can’t contain my tears in worship, in prayer or in a random place where God just speaks. When I read passages in the Word about our future (and these come often), I find myself longing for that day to be today. John’s words at the end of the Book say it well. “Come, Lord Jesus! Come!”

I find at 45 that I spend a lot of time looking back and smiling. But I spend more time looking forward, and not just to Heaven. In the time God has allotted for my life to be spent, I am more determined than ever to leave a lasting mark. And in no way do I want that mark to have my fingerprint. The mark I grow increasingly determined to leave looks like Jesus. I want people to know Him, see Him, and experience Him more because of my life. And that gives me an incredible sense of purpose in the present. I am here for a reason and I’m excited about that reason. I want to make Jesus more known today than He was yesterday.