Teachers can tell you. The kids they see are more distracted than ever. The State Legislature saw this and made a law requiring cell phones be locked up during school hours. But parents have made no adjustments. Phones are a welcome addition to the house, because as long as a phone is in a child’s hand, the parent can do what they want. Dads are more absent than ever. When they are home, and that’s less and less, they are on their phones, playing video games or high. Moms are exhausted, many working more than one job. Movies and girl-time become escapes that feel more and more necessary.

You say, “That’s not the norm! My family isn’t like that. I know multiple normal families.” I’d quickly ask what constitutes normal? If “normal” is a two-parent family living under one roof, kids who make A’s, B’s and stay out of jail, and parents who earn a legal living, then you have an argument. Given that as the standard, we still have SO MANY kids who are not in “normal” living conditions. But I argue and hope for so much more. If performance is the goal, then the stated normal isn’t that bad. Is that the advice you want to leave with your child? “Do good, pass the test, earn a good living, and stay out of jail.” If those are your highest ambitions, then get after it. But what about things you can’t touch; things in life you can’t put your hands on like love, hope and peace? The performance mindset is alright until a medical diagnosis renders you unable to do physical work. Performance is fine until you meet depression or anxiety face-to-face and find survival a much better goal. In the end, performance as the
highest life goal is empty.

I’m not here to lay blame. I’m here to point out a problem and offer a solution. What if healthy
relationships became your highest goal? Every job I’ve ever had has come about because of good relationships. Every good family memory I treasure is present because we chose to focus on our relationships with our children. All the highlights in my life are real because someone invested in me: my parents, a teacher, a good friend, a leader at church… If we stop measuring our success based on how well our children perform and start treating them as people God gave us to love and raise to maturity, we might begin to see a difference in their attitudes. If we start refereeing their social media diet and stop using the cell phone as a babysitter, we might begin to see a difference in their relatability. Your kid won’t talk to you? Maybe it’s because they only know how to talk in text. Your kid dresses in a way that makes you uncomfortable? Maybe it’s because his/her primary fashion coach is social media. Your kid acts like a bully at school? Maybe it’s because they see it at home between mom and dad. Your son doesn’t know how to be a boy? Maybe it’s because dad is not on the scene. We are required to connect these dots and most of us are doing that. But the requirements go far beyond acknowledging the problem. We must move beyond the problem and begin to address the behaviors at their root. And the root of the problem is not with the child. It is most definitely with the parent. The solution to every single one of these problems is for parents to start parenting.

I know parents are reading this and thinking, “I’m doing good to just survive. What does he mean I have to start parenting?” Again, performance is not the highest goal. Keeping your child alive is not primary. Helping your child get ready for life is much closer to the top. How do you begin that? With a phone-free conversation. How do you do that over the course of a week or a month? Be the parent. Establish phone-free times and places in your home. Monitor their social media activity. See who they are talking to and about what. Many apps are not age appropriate. Check them out! Don’t just assume that Meta and every other provider out there has your child’s best interest at heart. Don’t be afraid to lay down the law at home. This isn’t yelling and fighting. This is leading and loving. Love your kid enough to look them in the eye, have meaningful conversations with them, work alongside them, and model healthy
relationships for them. School is starting. Kids are anxious. How will you respond? More cell phone use is not a comfort. You are, parent. God gave you that gift. Use it.